Anger can be useful sometimes, it lets people know you’re not happy.
People usually get angry if they have too many strong bad emotions at one time or if they feel someone has done something really bad to them that was not fair.
When you are going through a family break up you may get bad feelings a lot and when it is too much for you to cope with you may get angry. Sometimes a parent may tell you about something the other parent did to make them angry and that then makes you feel angry too.
A certain amount of anger is ok but if it happens too often or it hurts the person you are angry at, it can get you into trouble and make you feel worse.
For example, you might shout at a parent because you’re angry that they left you and broke up the family. This made one of your parents sad and made them worry about money. So you tell the parent you’re angry at that they are no good and you don’t like them anymore – “You’re horrible, you’re not my mum/dad!” and you punch them in the face.
Deep down inside what you might actually be feeling is scared that they don’t love you anymore. The parent you’re shouting at may not know what’s really behind your anger. They just feel scared too because it looks like you don’t love them and that may make them angry. They may tell you off for being rude and give you a punishment like taking away your mobile phone or not letting you go out to play. That makes you even more angry.
After the angry words everybody will calm down. You may feel sorry for what you said and did. After a calm talk everything goes back to normal maybe you hug and tell each other “I love you”.
Acting in angry ways can hurt others and it can hurt you. There are some things you can try to help stop getting so angry:
- Take a long deep breath in through your nose then breath out slowly through your mouth. Do that 7 times.
- Remember that you are still a good person and you are loved.
- Think of happy times and the things or people that make you smile.
- Go outside and do some exercise like going for a run round the garden.
- Crying sometimes helps to make you feel better.
- Try to recognise when a parent is trying to pass their anger and bad feelings about the other parent on to you.
- If you find that you’re getting angry a lot, particularly with one parent or you’re hitting people and saying nasty things, you may need to find someone safe to talk to about how you’re feeling.